Ah, the prostate. Part of the Movember Foundation’s mission is to raise awareness about men having conversations with their doctor’s regarding prostate cancer, to aid in early detection and treatment. But, why is it so important to take care of this little organ and what the heck is it anyway?
The prostate is part of the male sexual and reproductive systems, producing one of the main ingredients of semen. This little organ is roughly about the size and shape of a walnut or a small plum and is located right above the base of the penis, under the bladder. You can find it by reaching a finger (some folks can do this solo, but having a partner helps) into the anus very slowly and using lots of lube. The prostate is most sensitive and swollen when you are already aroused, so don’t skip the foreplay. Once you get past the muscular anal canal, you’ll feel a roomier and squishier area. This is the rectum. Once you can feel the rectum, make a “come hither” motion with your finger to see if you feel a shape that kind of reminds you of a walnut. Oh, hello there, prostate! Once you find it, experiment with different ways of stroking it that feel good for you. Everyone is different, but think massage more than trying to push an elevator button.
The prostate is also known as the “male g-spot” or P-spot. The G-spot (we’ve all heard of this, yes?) in folks with vulvas and the P-spot in folks with penis’ are homologous. That means that when we were all hanging out in the womb, we were all made up of the same tissues when our anatomy started forming. Depending on how our chromosomes develops, these tissues eventually became our different sex organs, but the blueprint is the same for everyone.
“P is for Pleasure”
P-spot also stands for “pleasure” and I’m about to tell you how you can tap into it.
Prostate pleasure is for everyone with a prostate (including transgender women who still have a prostate). This seems obvious, but some people still hold onto the stigma that butt stuff is only for men who have sex with men. Ah, contraire! We are told as a society that “real men” (meaning “masculine” men) are always the penetrators, always use their penis during sex, are always dominant, and certainly don’t like butt stuff. I mean, sure. If that’s what you’re into. But can I offer an alternative? Maybe we are all humans who have bodies that are capable of pleasure in all sorts of ways and we are cutting ourselves off from a lot of it if we let ourselves be put into the box that society says we need to fit into. Just a thought.
Safer Prostate Play
Once of the biggest fears that comes up with butt stuff is the concern about messiness and safety. These are real concerns that require attention like any other type of sexual activity. If you are concerned about messiness, a shower before playing can go a long way. With relatively shallow penetration (like looking for your prostate), the likelihood of big mess is pretty low. However, keeping towels nearby is always a good safety precaution. Butt stuff is safe as long as you are using protection, like condoms and gloves, and lots of lube. The walls of the anus are susceptible to tears if you go too quickly, so always take it slow. If it hurts, you’re doing it wrong. Most of all, have fun, enjoy your body, and remember to get screened regularly to keep your P-spot happy.
Written By: Rena McDaniel, Sex Therapist and Educator